I am still not comfortable using the term "my Mom is dead". Already in the couple of weeks since Mom's death I am yearning to call her. I think of her even more now, then when she was alive. I am curious as to why I didn't think of her numerous times through the day. I did, however, think of her daily. Just now I think of her when AB sings, I see a dragon fly, when Vman talks about Utah. It seems to be mom, mom, mom.
Raf said he wants another baby the other day. I can't imagine having a baby who will never know his/her Grandma. I can try to teach him, but how? She had a unique voice, a love for children like no other, a giving personality, but how do I really show the child? I am struggling with the fact that my AB keeps wanting to call her, to sing her a song. It breaks my heart, my heart IS broken....
That is it for now...my mind is GOING CRAZY!
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Will we ever get used to it? I have good days and bad days. It seems to build up and then I explode with emotions. We cleaned mom's clothes out this week. I was impressed it didn't really bother any of us. Until I got home, then I just lost it. I don't know if it get's easier Anna, just different.
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